When Zell ran outta yel I mean Gel!
by zhakeena
Summary: Zell wreaks a lot of havoc for himself when he runs out of yel... I mean gel. Whotiver. Chapter 3 added!
1. i bane run outta yel!!!

When Zell ran outta yel... I mean Gel!  
  
by: zhakeena  
  
Notes, disclaimers and such: This fic wasn't meant to insult some countries, and by the way, I DON'T OWN FF8, DAMMIT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! ehem. And all the typos in the dialogues are purposedly made, alright? And if you don't understand a thing, well, boo-hoo. You can always ask................................................. Here we go!  
  
(okay. The narrator's lines are supposedly in bold, but for some reason, when I upload the document, the font, size and italizations are changed, dammit all! here's hoping that at least one of my documents get uploaded the way it was.....)  
  
In the peaceful place called Balamb Garden (right. peaceful.) dwelled our friend, Zell Dincht. One day, he awoke with a rancid smell of mustard and rootbeer. Who knows why? All Zell knows is that he needs a bath.  
  
Zell: Is this the part when I should talk?  
  
Yes.... so start talkin'!!!!  
  
Zell: But... do I really have to talk like this? (points to script)  
  
Yes, you do, Mr. Dincht... So do it!!! The people are waiting!!!  
  
Zell: Ugghhhrrrrr!!! (ahem.) Oi! Aye bane theenking aye need a bath!(in manner like a Svenson... or something.)  
  
So Zell, in all his..... um, er, foreigness, (i guess...) waltzed into his bathroom with all the grace of a ...person who needs a bath.  
  
Zell: (stumbles in bathroom) Vere be de tovels? (Where are the towels?)  
  
So he took his bath. But afterwards, his hair wasn't at all like its usual spikyself. In fact, it drooped somewhat... like it was dowsed in hot oil.  
  
Zell: Oi! Vat happened tew my hair??!! Oh, vell... Aye yoost get my tub o yel!!! (tub of gel!!!)  
  
Zell grabbed his trusty tub of yel... I mean gel! gel... But much to his dismay, gel there was no more...  
  
Zel: Oh me pink undervears! Aye bane run out of yel!  
  
He frantically ran to every corner, every um... searchable area of his dorm in search of his beloved hair gel. But in vain.  
  
Zell: Yaaaaaaggghhhh!!!! How could aye haff run out of hair yel?  
  
Gee, I don't know, Mr. Dincht... Maybe because you empty 2 jars a day?!  
  
Zell: Oh, yeah....  
  
............. (hey! this is the part where you should be freakin' out and such!!!)  
  
Zell: (snap!) OI! DER DOIKE EES LEEKING!!! DER DOIKE EES LEEKING!!!  
  
Zell ran around in circles, screaming weird... stuff while pulling his hot- oiled-looking hair in ways even he doesn't understand. He was making such a noise that it woke all of his neighbors. One of them yoost... er I mean... just happened to be their commander, Squall Leonhart.  
  
Squall: (barging in while Zell was getting all hysterical and such) Ahem...  
  
Zell: DER DOIKE EES--- Oi! Squall! Vat up?  
  
Squall: Zell... whotevah it is you'he screamin' 'bout... Shut the bloody hell up. (in British accent )  
  
(slams door)  
  
Zell: Oi... he bane pissed aboot sumfin'... (glances at clock) Aik! It bane 8:00 for 2 minutes now!!! I haff tew get tew the cafeteria!!!  
  
So Zell ran through the hallways, faster than bullets!!! Along the way, he bumped into what seems like a chocobo with a brown wig when you're going at a fast pace.  
  
Selphie(who was the wig-wearing chocobo): Blimey! Watch where yer going, mate! ...Oh, id's yew, Zell! G'day t'day, ain't it, mate? (in Aussie-like manner)  
  
Zell: OihiSelphiehafftogettocafeteriagottagonowbuhbye!!!! (while running faster than faster-than-bullets!!!)  
  
Selphie: (talking teh nobody in partic'lar) Blimey! What'd he saiy jes' now, mate? Oh, well! Lalalalalala... (continues to hop off merrily and Selphie-like and such...) "ey, wait a minii'! His hair looks grate t'day! Lalalalalalalala...  
  
Finally, Zell got out of the dorm-areas. But he was abruptly stopped by good ol Instructor Trepe...  
  
Quistis: 'Alt, Dincht! (in French tongue!)  
  
Zell: (screeech!) Oi! Vat bane beeg idea, Quistis?  
  
Quistis: You 'ave been running in the 'olwayz, monsieur. Eez against ze rulez.  
  
Zell: Awww... crap!  
  
Quistis: Az punishment, you 'ave to go to Detention.  
  
Zell: Detention?! Vat for?  
  
Quistis: Running in ze 'olz, making unnezessary noise, and dizrespecteeng your instructeurs!  
  
Zell: DAMN!  
  
Quistis: Well, nuzzing you can do about eet... Oh! By ze way! Your hair, eez magnifique! You are sure to spread 'apiniz all over ze werld! (say this last sentence out loud! i dare you...)  
  
Zell: (running again) Vat did she mean by that?...  
  
After running all ze way, he finally reached the cafeteria. As he was walking to the line, he noticed the girls looking at him, giggling, then whispering to their friends about something.  
  
Zell: Yiminy! They see my new shirt! Score, Dincht!  
  
Cafeteria Lady: G'mornin', Zell! Yer hair looks great t'day!  
  
Zell: Yiminy! Ees it that obvious?!  
  
Cafeteria Lady: Ye! See thewze gerls over yonder? They've been talkin' bout it ever since ye came here!  
  
Zell: (freaking out again) OI! DER DOIKE EES LEEKING!!! DER DOIKE EES LEEKING!!! (runs out of cafeteria)  
  
Cafeteria Lady: Ar!!! Ye fergot yer hotdog! Ah, fishsticks....  
  
Poor little traumatized Zell ran out of the cafeteria, forgetting his hotdog and convinced that without his spiky hair, he looks like a vuss... I mean a wuss!!! While he was running like heck, he tripped over Angelo.  
  
Zell: AAAIIIKKKKKK!!!!!  
  
Angelo: Wurf!  
  
Zell: Schtoopid dog!!! Aye bane strangle yew!!!  
  
Rinoa: (popping out of nowhere)DON'T lay one bloody fingah on my Angelo yew freak a nachah!(British also!)  
  
Zell: RINOA!!! Aye yoost... um... making shoore Angelo ees alive! Heeheehee... (pets Angelo)  
  
Rinoa: (seemingly convinced) Oh! Okay! C'mon, Angelo! Time we wotched the telly!  
  
Zell: sveesh!  
  
Rinoa: Oh, by the way, old chap! Your hair looks neat on yew! Toodles!  
  
Zell: (snap!) OI! DER DOIKE EES LEEKING!!!! (runs off somewhere...)  
  
Zell didn't know where to hide his "hideous" hair. He finally decided to run to Irvine's room... he sure knows how to keep it cool... at least, Zell thinks so...  
  
Zell: (knocking frantically on Irvine's door) Irffin! Irffin! Open up, dammit!  
  
Irvine: Hey, Zell! What'dya'll do tuh yow hair? (in cowboy-like drawl)  
  
Zell: C'mon! (pushes Irffin... I mean Irvine to the room)  
  
Irvine: Wo-wo-woah! Hold yer horses, pardnah...  
  
Zell: Aye ran out of yel!  
  
Irvine: Ran out of ale? Ah got plenty o' that... hyeh hyeh! (pats fridge)  
  
Zell: NO! YEL! HAIR YEL!  
  
Irvine: Oh! Haiyre Gyel, huh? Hah! No need for that, puhdnuh! I gots me own home remuhdeh! Hehehe...  
  
Just then, somebody knocked on the door.  
  
Squall: Irvine? What the bloomin' blue blazes is goin' on in theah?!  
  
Irvine: (opens door) Hey, Squall! Y'see, it's Zell heeyah. Thanks he cain't survahve a day without them blasted haiyre gels......  
  
Zell: (freaking out again) DER DOIKE EES LEEKING!!!! DER DOIKE EES LEEKING!!!!  
  
Squall: Aw, foh Christ's sake....  
  
Irvine: C'mon, mah friends, into the bathroom we march!  
  
So the trio went into the bathroom... which wasn't too appealing to look at.  
  
Squall: (wide-eyed with terror) WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAPPENED HEEYAH?!  
  
Zell: Yiminy! This bane verse than der time Squall's undervear fell down der toilet bowl!  
  
Irvine: Hey-hey-hey! Now don't y'all go critizahsin' mah baeathrewm, now, y'hear?  
  
Yowza! That partic'lar bathroom had all sortsa mold and mildew between the tiles, and soggy and somewhat muddy towels and laundry are all over the place. And, occasionally, one could see a cockroach peeking out the corners... eugh!  
  
Irvine: Ah'm not much on heaouse-cleanin' alrigh'?  
  
Fine! Fine! Just, make your remedy and get out of that hellish hellhole of a bathroom!  
  
Zell: Hellish ees right!  
  
Irvine: Okay, here be mah grapaw's remedeh for all sortsa haiyre problems! (grabs all sortsa bottles from the medicine cabinet)  
  
Squall: Uh... uh-vine?  
  
Irvine: Yeah?  
  
Squall: Are mouthwash, glue, and toilet detuhgents rally ingredients?.......  
  
Irvine: Shore is! Hehehe...  
  
Zell: OH ME POOR HAIR!!!!!!  
  
Irvine: (mixing ingredients) Here ya go, pudnuh! Grampaw Kuhnneas's shore- fire haiyre remuhdeh!  
  
Zell: (while Irvine's putting on the miracle mousse) You shoore it vorks?  
  
Irvine: Shore it'll werk! (molding the slop on Zell's hair)  
  
Zell: It'd bettur!  
  
Squall: .....whotevah.  
  
Irvine: There! Neow we jes' wait an hour! Lez go watch t.v........  
  
Zell: T.V.! Aye vanna vatch Sesame Street!  
  
Squall: .......whotevah......  
  
After an hour of watching t.v......  
  
Zell: Aye can't believe they cancelled Sesame street........... (while eating fish & chips)  
  
Irvine: But Blue's Clues ain't half bad! (while eating fish & chips, too!)  
  
Zell: Yew said it!  
  
Squall: ohfohchrist'ssake....... (annoyed as hell)  
  
Irvine: Whuzzat Squall?  
  
Squall: ..... It's been an hour......  
  
Irvine: Oh, yeah.... Heow'z yaw haiyre, pudnuh?  
  
Zell: It bane feel weird....(touches hair) Aiya! It bane stuck stiff!  
  
Irvine: Nat'rally! Yuh wun-ned tuh have it spiky, righ'?  
  
Zell: Not loike some Sooper-saiyan veirdo!!! OI! DER DOIKE EES LEEKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (runs out the door)  
  
Irvine: ....................... well, slap mah back and call me luhggage!  
  
Squall: ..........whotevah.........  
  
Poor little Zell with his glued hair ran all over the place!  
  
Zell: Yiminy! I bane go to training center; nobody vill go der!  
  
So to the training center he went.  
  
Zell: Ahhhhh... sanktewarie! (he said sanctuary, dammit all!)  
  
He tried to forget about his anime-like hair as he beat some grats and, occasionally, run from a t-rexaur. But then...  
  
Seifer: Fuujin! Raijin! Get zat chickin-vas to ze detention room!  
  
Fuujin: AFFIRMATIVE!  
  
Raijin: What she said, ya know?  
  
Zell: (behind the bushes) Yiminy! disciplinary committee after my blood! Vat do I do?  
  
And so little Zell ran away from the Posse and deeper into the Training Center. There, he bumped into Selphie.  
  
Selphie: (in a loud, bloomin' noise) Blimey! Watch where yer goin', mate! Oh, id's yew, Zell! I-Bonzah! Wha' happened tew yer haiyah?!  
  
Zell: Nononononono! Keep yer voice down, lass! Dey're after me!  
  
Selphie: (shouting) WHA'S THUH METTAH, ZELL? WHY DEW YEW WANT ME TUH KEEP ME VOICE DOWN?  
  
Zell: (frantically) NONONONONONONO!  
  
Raijin: There he is, ya know!  
  
Fuujin: LET'S GO!  
  
Zell: (running again) OI! DER DOIKE EES LEEKING! DER DOIKE EES LEEKING!!!!!!!!  
  
Fuujin and Raijin chased after Zell, but Zell knew the Training Center well so in a matter of seconds, he was at the entrance/exit.  
  
Zell: Ah! Der be der Exit! I'm safffe!  
  
But, unfortunately, Seifer was waiting outside the Training Center. So.........  
  
Zell: AIK!!!!  
  
Seifer: HAH! GOTCHA NOW, YU CHICKIN-VAS! HAHAHAHAHAH!  
  
Zell: (barely running from Seifer) SVEESH!  
  
Seifer: FUSHTA! RAIJIN! FUUJIN! GET DAT DEENCHT!  
  
Fuujin: AFFIRMATIVE!  
  
Raijin: What she said, ya know!  
  
Seifer: Vat-effah! Ay'll be vaiting at ze detention room!  
  
Meanwhile, Zell was still running. But all that running made him pooped, so he fell asleep at the benches in front of the library.  
  
Zell: Moost.... not.... stop..... Haff... tew get.... yel................ (blag!) zzzzsngowaaarrrrrggghhhh!!!!!!  
  
Finally, Raijin and Fuujin caught up to Zell and found him asleep at the benches. (duh.)  
  
Raijin: Awwww..... he's tired, ya know.....  
  
Fuujin: DETENTION ROOM. DRAG ZELL.  
  
Raijin: Okay, ya know....  
  
So they dragged Zell by the arms to the detention room. Seifer was pushing Irvine inside.  
  
Seifer: In yu go, calf-boy!  
  
Irvine: Hey-hey-hey! Watch it! This here's mah newest coate.......  
  
Fuujin: SNOOZING UGLY.  
  
Raijin: Here's Sleeping Zell, ya know! We accidentally dropped him 3 times at the stairs, ya know! And he's still asleep, ya know!  
  
Irvine: Accidientally, mah foot! Why dint ya'll jes used duh elevater?  
  
Fuujin: IN REPAIRS, MORON.  
  
Seifer: I'll be vatching deez clods..... yu 2 take a break!  
  
Fuujin: AFFIRMATIVE!  
  
Raijin: What she said, ya know?  
  
Zell was finally dragged into the detention room. Irvine was winking at some girl, while Seifer was mumbling to himself.  
  
Seifer: Just great... I haff to vatch a chickin-vas und a calf-boy ol afternoooon...... (wow.... it was already the afternoon?)  
  
Zell: zzzssshhngowaaarrrrkkkk.... snort! Hmmmph? Vhere am I?  
  
Seifer: NO TALKING IN ZA DETENTION ROOOM!  
  
Irvine: (whispering) yow in detentien, pudnuh....  
  
Zell: (whispering, too) aikh! they haff caught me! vat are yew dewin' heere?  
  
Irvine: I wuz in thuh labrareh checkin' out thuh books... but them dang library committeh... caught me readin' peornoe....  
  
Zell: you red porno at der library?  
  
Irvine: Yep....  
  
Seifer: I SAID NO TALKING!  
  
Zell: Hrmph. I vould like tew giff Hitler a punch in der nose.....  
  
tew be conteenyood! (to be continued, dammit all!)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Okay... did you like it? or was it all too confusing?  
  
Zell: It was confusing, dammit! My tongue's never gonna be the same!  
  
Irvine: Good thing I'm already a cowboy...  
  
Rinoa: Why am I a Brit?  
  
Squall: .......whatever. (finally! I get to say that right!)  
  
Quistis: Why do I have to be the French one here?  
  
Selphie: I like watching Rocko's Modern Life...... *_*  
  
Seifer: There's gonna be a next chapter.... fushta! was it even spelled right?  
  
Raijin: At least we get to talk normally, ya know.....  
  
Fuujin: AFFIRMATIVE!  
  
....right. so tell me what you think of this one! (was it lame or good?) Expect more appearances by Rinoa, Quistis and Seifer! and if i get the accents wrong, tell me! muchly appreciated! Also, no offense to the Brits, the French, the Germans, the Aussies, the Cowboys and... wherever Zell's supposed to come from... I don't know, either... miff. This is all for the sake of writing, no discriminations meant! hope i'm safe! tata for now!!!!!! dammit all!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	2. oh me beyootiful blond hair!!!!

WHEN ZELL RAN OUTTA YEL... I MEAN GEL! (part two of i don't know how many)  
  
by: zhakeena  
  
introductiones: Okay... thanks to those who reviewed and complimented my stupid work! I can't believe you people liked this... not that it's a bad thing! And for that person who gave me a somewhat long lecture about the British people, (sorry, i have a poor memory... _) thanks! But, I still don't understand a thing, sorry! My only source of information is that little black box in my room called the "Television", so what can you expect? (hey, I live at the boondocks in one of the poorest and most pathetic Asian countries for crying out loud!!! I'm so unloyal...) Um... what else... oh, yeah! "Der doike ees leeking" means "the dike is leaking!" ... Don't ask... And, to those who never did like the script style of writing, this is STILL in script style, sorry! I tried earlier to make it into paragraphs and etc., but it all just sounded stupid... I'm not good at that sorta thing... sigh...  
  
That's all for my author's notes bablablablablayaddayaddayadda..... on with the show, dammit all!  
  
+++++++++++++++++===============After Zell's detention...===================++++++++++++++  
  
We could see Zell stumble out of the detention room, looking like he just survived coming from a place full of leaking dikes. He was gasping and such, and etc, and so on...  
  
Zell: Halleluia! I bane survived!  
  
Quit it, Zell! Anyway, as he was rejoicing and such, Rinoa the English woman (i said ENGLISH this time! no more confusicity!!! uh... that was a word?) and Selphie the hopping happy Aussie approached him.  
  
Selphie: Hiyah, Zelly! Wha'zup wit' yew, mate?  
  
Zell: I yoost surffived tew hours of not talking!  
  
Rinoa: Int'resting... ah-ny-way, we heahd abou' youw haiyah problems, and we'd like tuh help!  
  
Selphie: Yeeh! We concocted this heeyah special sof'ening gel fer yew, mate!  
  
Zell: (remembering Irvine's so-called remedy) No, no more hair yels for Zelly...  
  
Selphie: Aw, c'mon, Zelly! Pleeezzee?  
  
Rinoa: We can practicahly guarantee, this one'll weohk! (work!)  
  
Zell: No, aye theenk aye'll pass...  
  
Selphie: Tew bad... D'ya heayah tha', Rinny?  
  
Rinoa: Ye... ANGELO!!!  
  
Suddenly, Angelo ran out of nowhere... like he usually does when Rinoa hollers for him during battle... and dragged poor ol Zell by the collar to somewhere...  
  
Zell: Vat de--- Schtoopeed dog! LET GO OF ZELLY!  
  
Selphie: Tha's it, Engeelo! Tew theah Beauty Salon!  
  
Rinoa: Theyah's no beauty salon in thuh Gahden, Sef...  
  
Angelo: (neck straining...) RUFF!  
  
Selphie: Um... okay then! Tew theah Gahl's Washrewm!!!!!!  
  
Zell: AIKH! DER DOIKE EES LEEKINGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (fading away as they go to the washroom...)  
  
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*. Meanwhile, at Squall and Irvine's side... .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*  
  
Irvine: ... Dy'uh hear sumfin, pudnuh?  
  
Squall: ...... sound a lo' like Zell.....  
  
Irvine: Dy'uh think we should go an' heyelp him?  
  
Squall: I don't feel like i'.......  
  
Seifer: (barging in the entertainment room... that's where they were, after all...) Vat are a bunch of jerkz dooving here?  
  
Squall: Whot?  
  
Irvine: Ah reckon he said whut are we doin' here...  
  
Squall: Oh... this is ouwah room, remembuh?  
  
Irvine: An' may ah ask, whut're yeow doin' in this here place?  
  
Seifer: I felt like bahging een...  
  
Squall: Fohget that... whot dew you want?  
  
Seifer: Oh, yah... in case yu jerkz are int'rested, i just soh dat Chickin- vas being dragged intu da gurl's vashroom by da messunger-gurl und da beetch vid da dog...  
  
Squall: Who ah you collin' a bitch, Seifah?!  
  
Seifer: (sneer!) Who dya theenk, pewbertie boi?  
  
Squall: Oh, that's it, youwah going tew paiy! (fights "Seifah")  
  
Irvine: Wait a minute, folks! Whuddya mean, Zell's in that there gurl's washroom again?  
  
(",)(",)(",)(",)(",) At the Girls' "Vashroom"... [man why did I bother with the designing thingies??!!!] (",)(",)(",)(",)(",)  
  
Rinoa: Stay still, buggah! (struggling to make Zell sit still)  
  
Zell: OI! DER DOIKE EES LEEKINGG! DER DOIKE EES LEEKINGG!!!!!!!!!  
  
Selphie: (barging in with a plate of hotdogs) Or else yew wou'nt git intew these hotdogs!!!!  
  
Zell: OI! DER DOIKE EES--- mmmm.... hotdogs!!!!! (eats a dozen all at once)  
  
Rinoa: Clevah oidea, Selphie!!!  
  
Selphie: Deon't mentien it!!! ^_^  
  
Suddenly (without warning), Quistis entered the washroom......  
  
Quistis: Bonjour, guhls! Comment ca va?---- SACREBLEU!!!! Wat eez Zell duing here?!!!!!!!  
  
Zell: *munch, munch....*  
  
Selphie: Oh, g'day, Quisty!!!!!! We was helpin' Zell he'e git his haiyah back ta nohmal!!!!  
  
Quistis: By stuffing him wiz ol zis hot dogs?! [a/n:stupid primitive computer don't have a character map!!!! fume...]  
  
Rinoa: Oh, no no no no no, silly! We have heeyah this concoction! (points to her mixing bowl thingie with stuff in it) We maide i' ouwahselves....  
  
Selphie: Is i' ready ye', Rinny?  
  
Rinoa: Wai'.... ye! I's ready now!!!  
  
Rinoa presented them with some grayish greenish oozy gooey slop, which is supposedly the concoction they were making. She molded the slop onto Zell's hair.  
  
Zell: *munch, munch...* ??! Vat are yew bane dooing tew my hair?!  
  
Selphie: She's fixin' i', silly!!!!  
  
Quistis: Ooh la la...  
  
Rinoa: Just a few slops moh... theyah! Now we le' i' settle foh abou'... 10 minii's!!!  
  
Selphie: Isn' tha' a bit tew long, Rin?  
  
Rinoa: Nah, trust me!  
  
~~~~10 minutes later~~~~~  
  
Quistis: Zis eez not meyking me any 'appeuh, guhls! (this is not making me any happier, girls!)  
  
Zell: Oi....  
  
Rinoa: Patience, yew!!! I think i's ready now...  
  
She got a hammer and chisel outta nowhere and chipped the hardened gunk out of Zell's hair... unfortunately....  
  
Zell: AIKH! VAT DID YEW DO TEW MY HAIR???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Selphie: Lewk's like Rinny chipped yer haiyah off, mate!!!  
  
Rinoa: Oh.... bloody hell.... Sorry, Zell!  
  
Quistis: Sacrebleu... Zis shall not spred 'apiniz ol over ze weld!!!!  
  
Zell: (freaking out... but with no hair to pull) OI! DER DOIKE EES LEEKINGG! DER DOIKE EES LEEKINGG!!!!!!!!!  
  
Poor little Zell with his nonexistent hair ran towards his so-called sanctuary... (the training center) and decided to lay his sorrows upon the poor but irritating grats.  
  
Zell: (finishing off another grat and does victory dance) Oh yah! Another score for Zelly!  
  
But then, in the midst of his peculiar victory dance, Squall, Seifer and Irvine decided to barge in.  
  
Seifer: Vatcha dooin', Chickin-vas? Svattin' at flies?! Haha--- (notices Zell's nonexistent hair) fuschta! Is zat even chickin-vas?!  
  
Squall: Oh foh heavenly Christ's sake.......  
  
Irvine: Whut thuh hell happen'd tew yuh, pudnuh?!  
  
Zell: Aikh! Schtoopid.............................. -  
  
Seifer: Hahah! A bald chickin-vas! Dis is priceless!!!  
  
Irvine: Whut in tarnation did thuh gurls did tuh yuh?  
  
Zell: (gives in...) GGGHHH! Rinoa yoost chipped off my beyootiful blond hair!!!  
  
Squall: ... How can anyone chop off sombody else's haiyuh....?  
  
Just then, Rinoa, Selphie and Quistis came running in, puffing and wheezing. Apparently, they chased after Zell and got a little lost.  
  
Rinoa: *puff puff wheeze!!!* Wheuh the hell is Zell?! *puff puff...* (hmm... rhymes!!! hehe...)  
  
Zell: *squeak!* (hides behind Squall)  
  
Selphie: Oh, the' ye are, mate! We've been lewkin' feh yer bald li'l head!  
  
Zell: Don't rub eet in!!!!!  
  
Quistis: 'ow impolite of you, Selphie... Ah, monsieur Dincht! I 'ave a soluzione' to your problem!!! (i just ad-libbed this thing... )  
  
Seifer: Vat are yu going to do? Giff him a head massage???!!! hehehe...  
  
Rinoa: Quiet deown, Seifah! We had a hahd enough time seahching foh the kid yelling 'sanktewarie!'.... which the outside people said was Zell....  
  
Squall: Fuhst of all, Rinoa... how did yew manage to chip off Zell's haiyuh?  
  
Rinoa: Oh! I just maide my 'miracle haiyah glop'--- it was supposed tew seuhve like Zell's old haiyuh gel...  
  
Selphie: But Rinoa nevah lis'ned tew me whin I said tha' she le' i' staiy foh too long!  
  
Rinoa: Quiet, Sef!!!  
  
Irvine: So, Quisty? Whut do yew plan on doing to baldeh boy heeyah?  
  
Zell: BALDY BOI?! VHY I OUGHTA...  
  
Quistis: Pleeze, pleeze, pleeze! Lizzen to moi!!!!  
  
Squall: ... Go on ahead.  
  
Quistis: Merci... now, if eet eez all right, with you, Zell, I cud mek my hair growing formula!!!  
  
Zell: Shoore... Aye don't mind... as long as yew don't slop eet on my head....  
  
Seifer: Hehehe... Zis shud be int'resting...  
  
Quistis: Okay... now come on! Time, she waitz for nobody!!!!!!  
  
tew be conteenyood!!!!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
... um.... it's a bit too short... and I was confused on how the hell am I supposed to continue this thing!!! oh, well... and, i have a few things to ask of those who know the answers to my ramblings: a.) Where does "Kramer" come from? b.) any of you know what is Edea's maiden name? c.) Is Loire french, too? or what? d.) Where does "Seagill" come from?!  
  
Now you have a clue on who's gonna appear in the next part!!!  
  
And now, an extra message from our lead actor!!!!  
  
Zell: SAVE ME FROM THIS STEREOTYPE!!!!! AAAGGHHHH!!!!!  
  
Quiet, you!!!!!  
  
and... tata for now! review, i ask of you!!! 


	3. oh me formerly blonde hair!

When Zell Ran Out Of Yel... I Mean Gel!   
by: zhakeena   
  
a/n: oh the guiltiness!   
  
just in case y'all forgot:   
Squall & Rinoa - English accent   
Quistis - French accent   
Seifer - German accent   
Irvine- Southern accent (somewhat hick or cowboy-ish)   
Selphie-Australian accent   
Zell - God-knows-what  
____________________________  
  
In the Trepe Lab.   
  
Zell: OI! Dis bane a strrrrange place, Instraktor!   
  
Quistis: O? What iz strenge about zis place, zen?   
  
Seifer: Zere's a foo-doo dal und a buk of vikka offur zere...   
  
Squall: And a horrid pictchah ovah theah.   
  
Rinoa: Squall, oi think tha's Headmastah Kramah's pictchah...   
  
Squall: Oi know, it's horrible.   
  
Selphie: Oi love this place, mate!   
  
(people stare at her with raised eyebrow)   
  
Irvine: Whut maide ye reckon that, Sef?   
  
Selphie: Theyah'z a pot of hunny ovah theyah!!!! *runs toward pot of honey*   
  
Quistis: Eh... olright. You people just... mek yourselves at 'ome here.... *goes in a honkin' large cauldron in the corneur and startz to mix up stuff*   
  
Zell: I bane miss mai herrrrr....... *Seifer starts whacking his head with a couple of glass rods* HEY!   
  
Seifer: Jya! Chikin-vas' head is a drum! Heheheh.....   
  
Rinoa: Really, Seifah! Oi'm suhprised that you ah still that immatuouh.   
  
Seifer: Who kers vat yoo theenk, chiken-vingg gerl?   
  
Rinoa: GASP!   
  
Squall: Whot did yew say to Rinoa, yew....   
  
Seifer: I sed CHEEE-KEN-VINGG (pronounced ving-gk) GERRRRRRL!!!!! (rough r)   
  
Irvine: Ah reckon, yer really just a big baby, arentcha?   
  
Seifer: Oh yah, horse-vas? Vant me to proof zat you'r all jast a banch of big bebis?   
  
Irvine: Ah reckon, bring it on, nelleh.   
  
Seifer: He, Sqvall!   
  
Squall: Whot?   
  
Seifer: I theenk Messengur-gerl-vas stole yor Kit-Kats!!!!   
  
Squall: WHOT?! Selphie, give theose back!!! *runs to Selphie*   
  
Selphie: NEOOOH!!!!! *really stole Kit-Kats and runs out of the lab with pot of honey in hands and Squall after her, honkin' with rage*   
  
Zell: Dat vas unexpected, yah!   
  
Seifer: Und you! Chikin-vas! You'r a bald-vas poopie hed vid no bren!!! heheheh....   
  
Zell: VAT?! VHY I OTTA..... *starts to run to Seifer, but slips* Yiminy!  
  
Seifer: Hehehe!   
  
Rinoa: You'he being sow mean, Seifah!   
  
Seifer: Zat's SAI-fer, eediot Chikin-vingg gurl vas!   
  
Rinoa: *tears start to form* Y-y-you deon't hahve to be so mean! *runs away*   
  
Irvine: Ah reckon, that wus unexpected... but ye can't make me do that!   
  
Seifer: Oh yah, horse-vas? (a/n: notice how he calls everyone 'vas'?) Yu knoh, I discofferd samtingg vhen dey meid me help zat big-fat-smelly-old-headmasterrrr! Hehehe....   
  
Irvine: Whu... whut are yew gittin' at?   
  
Seifer: Ai'm sure yoo'd knoh, Irffin NANONIE Kinneas!!!!!!   
  
Irvine: *jaw-drop*  
  
Zell: *stands up* Nanonie? Your second nem's Nanonie?   
  
Quistis: *apparently, is listening while mixing green gelly glop* Nanonie? W'at kind of person would nem a 'orse... I mean, bebi Nanonie?   
  
Irvine: *blush* ahreckonallfirstbornKuhneassesares'posedtuhbenamedNanonie!!!!!!! *turning red*   
  
Seifer: Hahahahah! Nanonie, Nanonie, pants arr full of greffy! [Nanonie, nanonie, pants are full of gravy!]   
  
Irvine: AH RECKON SHUT UP!!!! *throws a random stuffed penguin at Seifer*   
  
Quistis: *gasp* MON SEFFAR!!!! *reffering to the penguin, of course*   
  
Seifer: JYA!!! *ducks* Yu haff stoof'd penguins nemd Seifer?!   
  
Zell: HAHAHAHAH!!!!!! Yew bane a pengooin!!!! Hahahahha!!!! (KOFFF!!! KOFFF!!!!)   
  
Seifer: Shat ap, chikin-vas!!!! *turning red*   
  
[this scene is cut short when Xu, who is dragging Squall and Selphie by the ear, comes in]   
  
Xu: Now yu to beheb layk to lespansibol SeeDs!!! (translated from chinese dialect: "Now you two behave like two responsible SeeDs!!!*   
  
Squall: bloody hell! Let go of me, Xu!   
  
Xu: Dat's Instlakto Xu to yu!!!!   
  
Selphie: Aoh! aoh! aoh!!!! *carrying a bag full of Kit-kats* Haha! At least oi have moi treashah!!!!   
  
Squall: Whot?! Give me theose, yew---! *starts trying to snatch the bag*   
  
Xu: *sighs* I hate tis jab.... *pinches their ears harder* Do yu want youl eals to kam op?   
  
Squall & Selphie: AOH! AOH! AOH!!! AOH!!!!!! *ow! ow! ow!*   
  
Xu: Naw wat do yu sei?   
  
Squall & Selphie: *grudgingly* Sorry, instructah Xu....   
  
Xu: Bettal. *lets them go, so they fall ungracefully on the floor*   
  
Selphie: Aoh... Oh, you'h still bald, Zelly!   
  
Zell: Yeesh... Quistis, it bane dun yet?!   
  
Quistis: Oui! But I 'ave to warn you, zis potion, is still un experimant! *starts getting a massive glop of boiling green stuff*   
  
Zell: *face twists* Yeeegh!!!!   
  
Seifer: Hahahah! Yor in trobol naw, Chikin-vas!   
  
Irvine Nanonie Kinneas: Ah reckon, that ye are.   
  
Rinoa: *comes back* Sniff.... whot's going on?   
  
Xu: Quistis is ngoing to put glab to leglow Zell's hel.... (Quistis is going to put glob to regrow Zell's hair)   
  
Rinoa: Eoh. Le' me wotch!!!   
  
Zell: Ees thees yelly glop seif?   
  
Quistis: Oui! It mei scald your 'ead just a leetle bit.   
  
Zell: Aikh!!! Der doike ees leekingg!!!!   
  
Squall: *sugar crashing* No... enahgy... need... moi.... OOF! *falls asleep from lack of Kit-Kats*  
  
Selphie: Ahee!   
  
Quistis: So, is monsieur Zell redi?   
  
Seifer: Yeah, chikin-vas...   
  
Zell: Ai... ai don't knoh!!!!   
  
Irvine: Ah reckon just git it ovur with! (ev'n though grampaw nanonie's much better, ah reckon.)   
  
Quistis: Heur goes! *GLOP!*   
  
Zell: AIIKHH!!!!! OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW*mmph!* (Selphie stuffed a Kitkat in his mouth)   
  
Selphie: Tha' oughta maide it bettah, mate!   
  
Zell: MMPH!!!   
  
Xu: Zell is eben mol noisy in palson...   
  
Seifer: ... Jya. Eyng?   
  
(All of them stops squabbling when a lock of brown hair appears on Zell's hair)   
  
Quistis: Ooh la la...   
  
Selphie: OOH!!!! Le' me feel!!!! *starts... uh... poking the hair*  
  
Seifer: JYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH*gasp*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!  
  
Squall: *wakes up* mmm? Oh my God.   
  
Irvine: Ah reckon......   
  
Rinoa: Bloody brilliant!   
  
Xu: Eyng? Wat is ngoing on?   
  
Zell: *has neck-long brown hair* Oi! What bane goingk on?   
  
Seifer: Jya! Giff zat Chikin-vas a mirror, von'tcha?   
  
Quistis: *looks away, handing Zell a mirror*   
  
Zell: ...? *looks at the mirror* OI!!! DER DOIKE EES LEEKINGG!!! DER DOIKE EES LEEKINGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Squall: *rubbing head as if he was hungover* Will someone maike him shut up?   
  
Selphie: Oi! Yew lewk loike Squall wi' a tattoo an' longah haiyah!   
  
Zell: .... *thinks*   
  
Irvine: Ah reckon, ye look lahk Leon!   
  
Zell: ......... (snap!) AIKH!!! AI LEWK LAIK LEON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Seifer: Jya!   
  
----to be continued... probably-----   
  
____________________________________________  
  
a/n: Hmm... lost my touch there... sob.   
  
Like I said, I might continue this, or I might just make an epilogue. My brain cells do not have enough creativity left to make stuff up, as you can see. 


End file.
